So I feel like I need a change in my life - I'm 32 years old and I'm not anywhere near where I want to be in life.
Let me explain that sentence -
My need for change is strictly mental!!
No, I didn't say I was mental......wait....did I?
I have a beautiful child whom I love and adore tremendously!! I have a man in my life that, next to Hailey, is the greatest thing EVER!!! He really is...I couldn't have cut him out of a mold myself and him turn out so good!!!
For whatever reason my self esteem, at time, can be really low. I acknowledge it; I just don't have the tools to change it.
Until now
I was watching Biggest Loser the other night, the first episode, and they have a woman on there who weighs 460 pounds. HOLY CRAP that's HUGE. She found herself smack dab in the middle of her first workout; probably in her life and she wanted to quite. She said she just couldn't do it anymore. Jillian's response was so powerful:
She screamed "I'm not going to play into your self pity bullshit" "It's a choice....it's a choice to get on the treadmill or not...to weigh 460 pounds or 160 pounds...it isn't about can or can't it's about do or don't" She told the woman there is a whole story inside of you that you are the way you are and you can't keep choosing to do nothing about it.
WOW; right???
I spend a lot of time not doing things and wallowing in my own self pity.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that I screwed off my 20s and I'm totally paying for that in my 30s in more ways than one. My credit is shot to hell and that alone is something that holds me back BIG TIME!!! I'm a mother and "wife" and my capability to provide for them is severely hindered because of that. My obsession over my weight is out of control and that keeps me from doing things that I really want to do.
So all of that negative "self talk" is my absolute biggest problem right now. It keeps me from eating right and exercising consistently. It keeps me from moving forward in my education and employment goals. It's horrible and until recently I allowed it to control my life.
Well it's time to make a choice.
My choice is to STOP with all this nonsense and self pity. All it does is give me an excuse to be in the situation I've been in for the past how may years? It's enough.
My life is great...I have a man who I love....my daughter is healthy....I have the best family in the world...it's time to start appreciating what I do have and working towards what I don't.
Ahhhhh ***sigh of relief****
It's not going to be easy to get to where I want to be in life, but HELLO DEVON who ever said it would be!!!
Did everyone know what a BRAT I can be???? Dang why didn't someone tell me..wink wink
Thats a great self motto! It's too easy to sink into that and let decisions you made yesterday rule what you do today and tomorrow. "Just For Today" is what I try to tell myself. Just for today, I will not....or Just for today I will... Make it a daily goal. Sometimes it's easier to "digest" making a change for today as opposed to thinking you are making a change for the rest of your life. Sometimes that can be too overwhelming and you talk yourself out of it. I don't know why we both have room for that "negative" talk or where it came from but we need to reprogram ourselves! Too many good things in our lives for that crap! Plus it cancels out or makes it seem that the good stuff is unnoticed or under appreciated.
ReplyDeleteWe both need a little Jillian in our lives!
Love you