My 34 2.0

So I re-read my "34 Things to do" and it didn't turn out exactly like I wanted it to. Those are still things I'm going to do, but it's more of a "To Do List" than a "Right My Wrongs" kind of thing.

In all honesty...my "list" was still a little selfish.

I spent many years (10 if anyone is counting) being VERY selfish and I am having a HARD time letting it go. That isn't who I am and it damn sure isn't who I want Hailey to remember me as.

So what does one do to try and reverse some of the things they've done in the past?

I want to try and do some good. Not just for me...not just for my family...but for the legacy I'm going to leave behind.

I think about Boompa and how he is remembered. There isn't a soul alive who has a negative thing to say about him. Don't get me wrong; I'm not naive to the fact that he didn't have his wild and wicked days....but maybe he had these same exact thoughts one day.

When it's all said and done he had a choice to make....at some point in his 84 years of life he came to a fork in the road. He had a choice to make about how he would live and the legacy that he would leave behind. Although he's gone I feel like he's here with me....pushing me in this direction.

Now it's my turn.

AUSTIN in pictures

Cupid 5K

6 o'clock on a Saturday morning in February? What was I thinking? And in February to top it all off!!

The alarm went off and I would be lying if I didn't say I considered chalking up the $50 we had invested in this 5K to trial and error. It was a brisk 33 degrees outside, but we knew the sun was coming out so we talked each other out from under the covers..OK so maybe Jason was the one talking and I was the one under the covers, but this is my story so keep reading... We bundled up and hit the road!!

We got to Brewster Street and we're surprised there was actually a finish line and timing chips!! There was actually a crowd of about 100 people and we got excited pretty quick!! As the race started Jason and I were in the back of the pack....not really knowing what to even expect from each other as runners.

I hadn't hit the pavement all winter...only spin and the inside track at the University so to say I was a little rusty is an understatement. Jason on the other hand did great and didn't even seem to struggle!! So proud of him!!

I ended up walking for a total of 2 minutes...stopping 3 times.

Jason went full speed ahead!!

I finished....3.1 miles in 31.29 min at a pace of 10:09

Jason finished...3.1 miles in 29:00 min at a pace of 9:39

Not bad, but now we know what we have to beat!! On to the next one...Feb.26 in Port A!! This one is on the beach!!! YAY!!

Countdown to Cabo

So the official countdown is on. We're leaving May 4 and I have about 15 pounds to lose!

I'll be working out for a minimum of an hour everyday and keeping a food journal. Starting tonight...even though I'm working late I'll do some sort of cardio/weights when I get home!

Each week I'll blog about my workout schedule and how I'm going to schedule my meals.

This is a long time coming and not reaching this goal is not an option!

If I plan on having any kind of fun in Cabo I have to be comfortable with my weight!

12 weeks to make this happen....I CAN DO IT!!

My 34

The 34 things to do before Feb. 1st 2012. In no particular order

1. Have a heart to heart with Dad.
2. Finish the letter I started to myself
3. Go to a Crossfit class
4. Weigh 145 (at least)
5. Be comfortable in my own skin
6. Spend a quality weekend with Hailey
7. Workout for an hour EVERY day
8. Spend more time outside
9. Learn something new
10. Decorate the house
11. Have a heart to heart with Mom
12. Take a vitamin everyday
13. Start SCHOOL!!
14. Do a 3 day cleanse
15. Play a song on the guitar
16. Plan a weekend at the river with our families
17. Take up Yoga...and be good at it
18. Get Hailey to be more physically active
19. Stop taking myself so seriously
20. Spend more time with Uncle Bud...he knows what he's doing
21. Tell Aubrey what she means to me
22. Pay off an old debt..more on this one when the time comes
23. Give more of myself to Jason...understand what we have
24. Blog or write in my journal 3-5 times a week
25. Help my sister be happy...be there for her more
26. Write down things about Grandma and Boompa for Hailey
27. Stop keeping score
28. Be more of a mother to Hailey instead of a friend
29. Read a book every 2 months...that's 6 books before I'm 35
30. Create a "There's No Place Like Home" feeling in our house
31. Write a letter to Preston (I'll decide later if i mail it)
32. Bungee jump
33. Have a girls weekend with Mom, Aubrey and Sam
34. Apologize to Sam for missing her graduation

As the author of this list I reserve the right to elaborate on the specifics of these at my own discretion. But also I promise to achieve each and everyone of these. I may add to this list, but I'm not able to delete anything.

It's not in the effort...it's in the achievement!

Forgiveness...it ain't that easy

I turn 34 in 2 days. Nope it still doesn't make sense even if I type it!

Those 34 years are thought of in 2 VERY different ways.

I spent my childhood..happy..carefree..in the arms of people who loved me dearly.

I spent my adolescents being very angry and self destructive.

Funny how things come full circle.

It's time...to forgive myself..for not being so forgiving for so many years.

It isn't easy...forgiveness. It's feels like you're saying the things you've done were okay. That all the tears and all the pain was worth it.

I've been told to have no regrets....everything that has happened has made me who I am today...but the truth is I believe today I am the person I was always meant to be. All the crap was just me not forgiving and being the victim. How did that happen?

So at 34...do I have regrets.....YES I do....and I should!

BUT 34 is no 23 and I've got to start living! I've got to move forward and forgive. I know that if I don't I'm creating a vicious circle. If I could have anything it would be to have the people who love me the most to have piece of mind and to think of me fondly!

So on my birthday...FEBRUARY 1ST...I'm going to list 34 things that I will do in the next year.

It will be sort of my Karma list. My Name is Earl kind of thing!

Each one will have a meaning to me or to someone I love and I will tackle each of those things with the hope of going back to that "No Regrets" mantra that my family lives by!

It's a New Dawn; It's a New Day

"It's a new life for me and ooooooohhhhhhh
AND I'M FEELING GOOD"

I turn 34 in a matter of 5 days. AMAZING.

Here are a few things that are going to make me sing this song everyday:

Pledging to blog 3 times a week

Pledging to work out 28hrs a month - That's an average of an hour a day

Pledging to drop these last 15 pounds....if it kills me...and it might!!

As I'm typing this it's nice to say Life has never been better than it is right now!!

I've never had more to say and more to reflect on. That's what this blog is for. No more excuses, no more feeling sorry for myself.

Let's Give'em Hell!!